Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
