I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize