Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
