the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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