There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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