dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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