Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
