Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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