I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
