Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
