Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
