chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize