Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
