I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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