how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You need a sexual gate keeper
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
