Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
