its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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