ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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