We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We had to coat check the pizza.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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