Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
