i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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