Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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