Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
