You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just pee around me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
