I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
