why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
