she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
