I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
