oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
