I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
