You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
