this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
