I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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