Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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