everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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