Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
