cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
