Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
