if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
