I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
