I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
