After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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