you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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