i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
