Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's never too late to be topless.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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