Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
