Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
