my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
