At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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