I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize