dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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