no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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