Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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