Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
