2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
