Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
