My room smells like vodka and shame
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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