so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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