I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
