You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
