she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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