I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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