drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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