The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
