I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so let's talk penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
