My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
