i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
