Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
