you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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