I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
