yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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