Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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