what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
