how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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