How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
