Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
