Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
