You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
